Is It All Just a Dream?

Ding!

My phone announces another message. I reach for it breathlessly, wondering if it’s from you. praying it is. I shouldn’t feel this way. I shouldn’t want so much.

I barely know you. We haven’t even met, yet it seems as if you are a long lost friend. Where did you come from? How did you find me? I wasn’t expecting this at all; you have taken me completely by surprise.

Your words are like satin, all smooth and glossy. They wrap me in softness I have long forgotten. You say what I have been longing to hear and I want so much to get lost in the luxurious feel, even if it’s only for a little while. It would be so good to just let go, to trust, to allow myself to indulge in the possibilities.

Your message causes a physical reaction. I respond to what you’ve written as if you’ve run your hands over my body, sensuously caressing my skin, even though you’ve said nothing seductive. It’s so intense I can barely breathe. How is this even possible? What are you doing to me?

It’s been so long since I’ve had someone to lean on, a partner. I want to believe it’s possible, that this isn’t just a dream; but I’m afraid. I’ve opened myself up before and been left heartbroken. I’ve shed too many tears already, there aren’t any left.

If I look past your words is the reality still as shiny? Is there darkness behind the luster?

I close my eyes and imagine you are there. What would it be like? My heart begins to pound just thinking about having you near. I get goosebumps when I conjure an image of you drawing closer. I can almost feel you against me, your arms around me. I rest my head against your chest, finally at peace. At long last I feel like I can sleep.

Ding!

Slowly I awaken, only to realize it is my morning alarm and not a text message after all. Is it possible it was all just a dream? It seems so real. Maybe, just maybe….

This post is in response to the daily writing prompt Satin

Watch Out For the Wrath of an Exhausted Mom!

I was flabbergasted, completely stunned. At 1 am my 13 year old daughter came into my room to get something. I have no idea what but there is nothing important enough in my room that I should have been woken up just as I was drifting off to sleep.

Let me back up a bit…I’m sure you might be wondering why my daughter was up at 1 am on a week night. Well, it’s officially summer vacation for my kids. They were supposed to be going to NH with their dad but in what should not have been a surprising turn of events he went up without them, leaving them with me for two weeks with nothing to do while I work.

I abhor the idea of my kids sitting around the house all day doing nothing. It’s important to me that they find engaging activities while I’m not with them, but if the two of them were left to their own devices they would probably spend the day watching TV and playing games on their phones, not because they particularly want to do those things but rather they lack the motivation to find something more interesting.

So in a fit of utter insanity I invited 3 of their friends to spend the week with us (Wednesday to Friday). These are good kids that I trust who have spent a lot of time with us (having 5 kids at my house for days on end is not unusual). Wednesday night 3 of them tackled the project of painting 2 rooms in my house, so the house has been torn apart for days. The other 2 have been busy doing crafts and other small projects. It’s been good for everyone, mostly.

When the kids have friends over I have 2 rules about them going to bed:

1. Don’t keep me up
2. Don’t wake me up

They can sleep as late as they want while they’re on vacation but I have to get up to work.

Well, last night they broke both of these rules. The fault lies entirely with my kids, not their friends. They were inconsiderate. The consequence for breaking these rules is clear and non negotiable. No more sleepovers. Not forever, but enough to be painful. It is the natural, logical consequence for breaking the rules and has been well known for years.

The problem?

Next weekend I’m taking 2 of these kids (plus another friend) with us on our trip to Georgia. The very tired part of me wants to just tell them that their friends can’t come. It would be an excellent lesson and they would certainly learn that I’m serious about these rules. But this trip will be more fun for all of us if their friends come. I’ve already committed to the kids and their parents, and it’s not their fault that my kids were inconsiderate.

So tonight I will need to make a decision about how to handle this. Some parents might disagree with this, but I’m going to talk with them to see if they can come up with a reasonable consequence that will be better for everyone than the one I really should be enforcing. I hope we can reach a compromise because I’m really looking forward to this trip.

It’s often surprising what they can come up with in these situations. Sometimes they are better at this parenting thing than I am!

This post is in response to the daily writing prompt Flabbergasted

Download my Book for FREE on Saturday and Sunday

Sometimes procrastination pays off! If you haven’t downloaded my book yet, you can download the Kindle version for FREE on Saturday and Sunday (the paperback version is also available but not eligible for the promotion). Go grab it and let me know what you think! If you do, please leave a review on Amazon. It helps more than you know!

For those of you who don’t yet know about my book, it is a reflection of how I’ve changed my thinking in such a dramatic way over the past 7 years that I have literally gone from surviving to thriving. I was fortunate enough to be able to include writing from two of our fellow bloggers as well:

The Wonderful and Wacky World of One Single Mom

A Creative PTSD Gal

Thriving Not Surviving: Bravely Pursue a Life That Will Blow Your Mind!

As always, I’m eternally grateful for the support I receive from all of you!

Daily Post Word of the Day Prompts

Last week I reblogged the post regarding the fall of the Daily Post’s word of the day prompt. I was concerned personally because I depend on these words to stretch my thinking, to practice my writing and to encourage me to be accountable for posting every day. I decided immediately that I would post a word myself that I could use as inspiration. I never realized how many people would feel the same way; it has become quite the topic on WordPress.

That being said, I have 3 people who will be collaborating with me on this project. Given that the first post is scheduled for tomorrow I feel very behind on organizing this effort so it’s likely that we will have a bumpy start…completely my fault as I’ve been preoccupied with making summer plans (if you read my post yesterday this might not surprise you).

As quickly as I can I will organize everything. If you want to participate what you can expect is that the word will be scheduled to post on my blog at 7 am Eastern on Mondays and Fridays. Kristian will post on Saturdays and Wednesdays. Kate will post it on Tuesdays. Cyranny’s Cove will post on Sundays and Thursdays.

Once they post their word I will reblog their post here as well. The hope is that this will grow and improve over time, as we all do. Happy writing!

What is the Benefit of Looking in the Rear View Mirror?

I’m told, “Live in the present. True happiness exists only here, right now, in this moment. Regret lives in the past, fear lives in the future.” Honestly, I do believe this. I believe that I should spend most of my time being present and appreciating what I have in front of me. Wishing the past were different or worrying about the future will not make me happier.

But there is value in being retrospective if I can do it in a constructive way. There is still so much for me to learn, so many ways I need to grow. I can’t do that without examining my past to understand why I do the things I do.

How have I handled things in the past? What patterns have developed? Are these healthy patterns or ones I need to change?

The past 5 months I have been focused on getting into shape. This is something I can do when paying attention to what is happening in the present. Why is it at the end of a particularly stressful day I feel like a glass of wine (or perhaps something stronger) is the best way to unwind? What does this do for me? How can I get the same feeling doing something healthier? These are all “present moment” types of thoughts.

But I want to maintain this healthier lifestyle and I know that in order to do that I need understand why maintaining it in the past has been a challenge. I am currently back to the weight I was when I went to Spain 2 years ago. It confuses people when I point to that particular trip as the cause of a 30 pound weight gain over 2 years. I didn’t gain the weight over that trip; in fact I only gained a couple of pounds during those 2 weeks. But it was during this trip that I broke the healthy habits I’d had prior to the trip.

I started eating gluten again (not an enemy to most but something I need to avoid due to my thyroid problem). I ate breads and pastries like it was my last chance. I drank wine with virtually every meal. As a result, the sugar cravings I’d previously overcome returned. I stopped running and instead started sleeping in. When I returned I lacked motivation to resume getting up at 5 am to tackle the treadmill, something that I had just started to maybe possibly enjoy before the trip.

By looking back on how I got to where I am, I can identify the things that might be a problem in the future. It allows me to make better decisions now, in the present. This is the moment that truly matters.

This post is in response to the daily writing prompt Retrospective

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Bravely Living an Amazing Life!