Some of you have read a lot of my posts and are starting to realize how long my road has been, others are just joining me and perhaps this is the first post they’re reading.

I want to be clear, although I write about the struggles I’ve had, my life has not been bad. By most standards I live a very privileged life and it gets better all the time. I am grateful for the lessons life has taught and am thankful I have been open to learning. Many people have been through so much more than I can even begin to imagine. It is for these people I started to write.

I started this blog, Grateful Single Moms, thinking I could help single mothers connect so they could share stories of their struggles and success (this is why the “s” is on “Moms”). I wanted them to feel they were not alone, I wanted them to know there is support out there for those who seek it. I wanted them to feel hope that even if they’re having a hard time now, things will get easier for them, as it did for me.

I thought I’d write about parenting and my kids. I thought I’d share tips I’ve learned and maybe even some dating advice (I could seriously write a book about dating with all the mistakes I’ve made).

But as I’ve started writing, something different has come out. I’m not writing so much about being a single mom, or even a woman. Parenting hasn’t even come in as often as I’d anticipated. Instead, I’m writing stories of struggles and strength, challenges and courage, obstacles and overcoming them.

This was not my plan, and I like to follow a plan. Normally at this point I would realize I’ve gotten off track. I would work to redirect my course. After all, life is a long haul and we often have to correct our course.

But I’m not going to change direction after all. I love what I’ve been writing. I’ve never been more proud of myself, to be honest. As I write I continue to learn about myself and how I feel about the journey I’ve been on, because even though I have been living mindfully, choosing my path consciously, some thoughts remain unconscious until we give them a way to be expressed.

I’ve always loved the idea of journaling but have never been good at the execution. My life is busy, complicated, full already. Without something to hold me accountable my commitment to writing, in any form, falls below other priorities, like sleeping. I won’t say that this blog is a journal for me, as I honestly feel it’s far more than that.

But it has become an outlet for ideas stretching far beyond being a single mother. I am sincerely grateful for all of you who are joining me on this journey. I appreciate that you take the time to read what I’ve written and I love hearing your comments. The community here has been wonderful and supportive, and I thoroughly love getting to know you through your posts and comments.

I’m not yet sure where this winding road will take me but I love where I am right now.

This post is in response to the daily writing prompt Haul

I have decided I want a life of absolute abundance.

That is my goal. I don’t want a normal life anymore. I want an extraordinary one. And now that I know I want it, know how much it means to me, I will stop at nothing to get it. What I’ve just realized, just this very moment…is that my life is already abundant in so many ways, so saying I want a “life of abundance” makes it seem like I’ve already achieved my goal, that I’m not grateful enough for what I already have.

But I know there is so much more out there for me. So much more I can achieve. I know how, now.

I’ve learned so many things that have led me to where I am. I wish I had known these lessons earlier. I wish I’d done differently, been different. But that’s silly…because it’s exactly those lessons that make it possible for me to be who I am, where I am, doing what I’m doing. And I am grateful for all that I have in my life and how far I’ve come. I’m grateful I am now the kind of person who can teach my girls that there is more out there for them. I can teach them how to use both their strengths and their challenges to build the life they choose. If it had been easier for me I wouldn’t be as good a teacher as I am now.

For most of my life I’ve kept myself at a distance from others. I’ve thought I had to do it alone, that I was somehow stronger because I didn’t need anyone else. I’ve been afraid of being hurt, sheltering myself from harm by keeping people at arm’s length. I’ve used my label of “introvert” to justify being aloof and alone. I was frigid; I was afraid; I was uncertain.

Truly I am an introvert. That is my nature, but it doesn’t define who I am. It doesn’t limit me or my potential when I label myself this way. By understanding my nature I can use it to my advantage. By knowing myself I understand that it is this part of my nature that permits the introspection that helps me make better choices. It is this that helps me forge such strong friendships, once I connect with people.

But I no longer permit myself to use this as an excuse to keep my distance from others, for I’ve discovered that it is my connections with others that have most contributed to my abundant life. It is the friendships I’ve forged that enrich my life so much. It is the opportunities they provide, their encouragement and support, their passions and their experiences that have made my life abundant.

It is because of a good friend that I am able to write this post sitting by the pool, listening to the waves crash against the shore. It is because of my good friends that I take more risks in life, that I push past fear into the unknown. It is because of good friends I am being introduced to more amazing people. It is because of these people in my life that I fully appreciate the person I have become, because I can now see what they see. They hold the mirror up in just the right way so all my best qualities are reflected back to me.

You cannot live a life of abundance if you are frigid. You must live your life with passion and joy, opening yourself to people and experiences. It is because I have welcomed life with open arms that this morning I was able to walk along the beach to breakfast at a beautiful café. It is because of this that I watched dolphins frolicking in the ocean. And it was the abundance of these dolphins that made me reflect on how fortunate I am to be living this life.

This post is in response to the daily writing prompt Frigid