Staring at a Blank Page

As many of you know, I have been working on my novel now since June. The ideas for the story came fast and furious, flowing with little effort. Every day I would write 500 to 1000 words, sometimes more. I used the word of the day for inspiration, and I was happy with what I came out. The pieces had been written out of order, but I had put them together in one document in order. When I started to read through it I realized it still needed a lot of work – a full rewrite instead of just an edit as I’d hoped.

A few months ago I stopped responding to the word of the day prompt so I could focus on my masterpiece. I started the rewrite and what I wrote the second time was so much better I was motivated to turn it into something truly great. Pretty quickly I got about 20,000 words into the new story, and it was good. Really good. Better than I thought I could write.

And then I got stuck.

Life happened. My mother passed away. While we weren’t close, I didn’t handle this well (does anyone?) and suddenly I felt other areas of my life starting to unravel. I disengaged from WordPress. I missed time with my kids. I had issues with my rental. And although I have great friends, I didn’t get the support I needed (largely because of how I was dealing with the situation).

I spent a week in NH dealing with the practical things that need to be done when someone passes away. It was exhausting both physically and emotionally. I took the week off from writing – there was no time and how could I justify writing at a time like that? I came back and still had a week off from work to get myself together. I went away to Savannah and Charleston – a trip I’d planned before my mother passed away. I was alone and had fully intended to spend the time writing. I did everything but write. I ran. I wandered around the towns. I read. But I didn’t write. Not a word.

And still I made excuses. I was healing. I would get back to it.

It has now been 2 months, and still I struggle to get back to writing. I don’t post to WordPress. I have added some to the story but I keep getting distracted – emails, texts, dinner with friends, running. I spent 4 days at the beach where I finished my last book and still I found other things to do. I ran on the beach. I hung out at the bar down the street and met some interesting people. I listened to music. I did yoga. But I didn’t write.

And now I’m adding to my excuses. Work is busy. It’s Christmas and I need to buy presents. It’s cold and I don’t have any clothes that fit so I need to go shopping.

Plus we’re fostering 3 kittens and one of them – even after a week – hisses at me when I enter the room and any time I go near her. She needs socialization or she will never be adopted.

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And so I play with the kittens instead of writing. Or I have dinner out. Or I go running. Or I go to yoga. Or shopping. Or I do anything but write.

And so the page remains blank. I miss the days when I could write for hours, lost in the story. Some day I will do that again. I just don’t know when.

This post is in response to the daily writing prompt Masterpiece.

20 thoughts on “Staring at a Blank Page”

  1. You’ll get there. Life has taken presence in your mind and you are coping in some of the best ways possible. When you sit down to write again, it won’t be forced. We are so open and creative when we write, and maybe your heart just isn’t ready to be that open again yet. Thinking of you and yours! You’ve been through a lot, be kind to yourself. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think this hits the nail on the head ” your heart just isn’t ready to be that open again yet.” Thanks so much for your comment! I will keep trying and eventually…some day (hopefully soon) I will be able to write again.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Eventually you will feel it again. You do have a lot on your plate and when dealing with extremes such as you are, does not make one want to write. When things settle, the creative juices will flow. Now having been optimistic please know you can talk to me about anything. You have listened to many a tale from me. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. “Raindrops on roses
    And whiskers on kittens (you have three!)
    Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
    Brown paper packages tied up with strings … ”
    Simply remembering your favorite things
    And sharing time with your loved ones
    … then you probably won’t feel so bad.
    Wishing you a very Merry Christmas, and lots of inspiration for the New Year!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Ouch you are doing it tough but all the advice above is wise … you are grieving, you’re in a process! Close to Mum or not you no longer have an opportunity to develop the relationship you might have wanted.
    Running, hanging out … you need some life too so go with the flow. It will return once you’ve had some space, done some grieving and healing … it may take a few more months or even years but focus on the rental, kittens, girls, running … all that you must and all that brings pleasure and you will get there 🙂
    You have my email and I haven’t heard any of your grumblings, please feel free to share if you wish? HUGS k

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ❤️ thank you for your support! I honestly appreciate it. I try not to grumble too often. I prefer to dwell on the positive because there is still a lot going well in my life. 😊 But I do miss writing…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m quite sure you do but I also know that you are very intense about your goals and this is your time to take a break … it will come again so please don’t beat yourself up …

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Worrying about writing keeps you from writing. The next time you sit down and nothing comes, read. Read some of your WIP. Damn good writing right? With that in mind think about the next chapter, and try penning a line with no expectations, no guilt. Your community is here to support you while you get your ‘MoJo’ back. Best wishes from a new follower.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much! I appreciate the support! I have reread my WIP and I think my problem is trying to live up to what is already written. Continuing to write without expectations is really where I need to be. Thank you for following! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

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