My Relationship Was the Root of All My Problems

I sat without moving for a long time, breathing in the scent of the freshly cut grass and plants in bloom. The breeze brushed my skin as softly as a mother might caress her baby, lifting my hair to tickle my neck. A cuckoo called out his melodious tune, the tinkle of windchimes the only response.

Surrounded by the gardens that reminded me so much of my childhood my thoughts finally became clearer. Memories of my parents meandered down a winding path that eventually led me to contemplating more recent events.

Until I met Clay I had spent time with my friends at least once a week, either dinner out or a weekend barbeque at someone’s house. I had talked to Lily nearly every day even on the days we couldn’t get together. Thinking back I couldn’t remember the last time she and I had really had a conversation. Then all of a sudden it came to me. The night of the party where I’d met Clay she had confessed that she thought she might be pregnant. She had planned to take a pregnancy test the following day but I never asked if she did. Is it possible Lily was pregnant? How could I not know the answer to that question?

After my first night with Clay all I’d really thought about was how good he’d made me feel, a lovestruck teenager. I had called Lily several times in the beginning, but recalling those conversations I realized I had done all of the talking. She had listened to me gush about my new boyfriend, never reminding me that she might be going through something too. Later I’d had issues with my phone and over time the habit of talking to my best friend every day fell away.

I had lost other habits I’d had before Clay as well, like the early morning runs and smoothie I made for breakfast every day. Lunch had gone from healthy salads to three course events. Fruit after dinner had been replaced with delicious pastries. No wonder I’d been gaining weight.

Less of a mystery was my lack of progress on the project I had looming. The deadline had seemed far off. Who wouldn’t be tempted to lay by the pool or spend time on the beach instead of plugging away at the computer if they had the choice? I had always been so disciplined about work, making sure to focus for at least 6-7 hours every day even though I was paid by the project and no one was tracking my hours. Clay had been so available and any time I’d had to myself I spent resting. For several weeks I’d felt lethargic, adding to the problem. Now I was so far behind I was going to miss my deadline. Even if I were able to give it all of my attention I’d be hard pressed to finish in time, and clearly work was still not going to be priority.

It was normal for a new romance to take center stage, wasn’t it? Why was it my relationship with Clay seemed insidious when I thought about it this way? Was it because of the strange things happening or would I have figured this out eventually?

Once again I found myself with more questions than answers, but I grabbed my notebook anyway and started writing them down. Maybe an solution would develop in time.

This post is in response to the daily writing prompts Insidious and is part of something longer I’m working on.

This post is a part of the story about the ex and comes after Was It Possible He Was Hunting Me?

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