Thinking about it as I sat there, my relationship with Clay was redolent of my past affair. In both I had made assumptions. I had been quick to fall in love with the person I thought they were, without taking the time to truly get to know them. I had been infatuated with the romantic image of being the girlfriend of a wealthy older man.
Was money really that important to me? Was I incapable of learning? Had I not changed at all in the past 10 years? Was I destined to repeat the same pattern my whole life?
I was going to have to figure that out, but at the moment there were more pressing matters. Apparently Clay had not believed me when I had told him I’d be back after I left the cafe. He had obviously come to my apartment when I was at the police station, but had not stayed. I considered the possibility that this would be the end, but my intuition told me he would not be dissuaded so easily.
Looking around, I was sad that I would once again be leaving my quirky little apartment. I had been happy there, or I suppose more accurately I had thought I’d been happy there. Maybe what I’d really been doing was hiding, barricading myself from the world, protecting myself from being hurt.
The realization flashed through my mind without conscious effort, but deep within me I felt the truth of the idea. Lilly had tried to tell me as much over the years but stubbornly I refused to admit it. I had argued that I still went out, saw my friends, went to work. But maybe I was starting to understand what she had been trying to say.
Standing I picked up my backpack. I briefly contemplated what I might want from my home while I was away. Realizing I’d been without everything there for weeks I decided it was better to walk away from it all. I wasn’t sure how long I’d be gone, but there was nothing there I truly needed.
I grabbed the keys from their hook next to the door, then paused with my hand on the knob. Looking back over my shoulder at the quaint space that had been mine, I sighed with resignation. Like it or not, my life was about to change. I would no longer be able to hide in my sanctuary.
A tear slipped down my cheek as I left my past life behind me.
This post is in response to the daily writing prompts Redolent and is part of something longer I am working on.
This post is a part of the story about the ex and comes after How Do I Know if It’s Love?