I sit quietly rocking on the back porch, lost in thought, attempting to make sense of this strange situation. More and more my relationship with Caleb confuses me. I feel things changing between us and I don’t know how to deal with it.
We’ve become friends, there’s no doubt about that. I don’t want more than that right now. I can’t handle more than that. After what I’ve been through I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to trust someone enough, let them get close enough to be more than friends.
But why is it when he reaches out to me I feel my resolve weaken? I’m still being hunted by the last person I trusted, I can’t allow myself to be vulnerable again. I won’t.
Of course I’m attracted to him. Any woman would be. Yes, he’s objectively handsome but there’s something deeper than that. He has an innate kindness about him, a chivalrous sense of propriety I am coming to understand as he opens up a little about his past.
Maybe I shouldn’t assume those stories are true, but I’m finding it difficult to doubt his integrity.
For the past several nights, as I lay awake in bed I’ve found myself fantasizing about him, imagining what it would be like to have him there next to me instead of in the other bedroom. In my mind I envision him holding me against him and kissing me with a passion that erases everything except being there in that moment. I can almost feel his hands caressing my body, exploring, bringing me closer and closer to…
Forcibly stopping this train of thought, I glance at him as he leans against the railing, scanning the woods looking for signs of trouble, like he always does. All of a sudden he looks at me, as if he could sense my gaze on him and just for a minute I imagine he reciprocates my amorous feelings.
He turns to rest his left hip against the rail, presumably so he can see me while still watching the darkening forest. “I don’t know what he’s waiting for,” he whispers. Is he afraid he will be overheard? The tension and frustration are clear in his eyes.
Unexpectedly he holds his hand out to me, an unspoken invitation. I hesitate before pushing myself out of the chair. When I reach his side he takes my hand and positions me so that my back is to the trees. He looks behind me, then stares intently in my eyes, almost as if he’s searching for something.
He speaks softly, but with a surprising intensity. “I want this to be over for you. I don’t want you to be afraid anymore.”
As he steps closer, pressing his body to mine I expect him to hug me as he’s done in the past in these moments. Instead his hands reach into my hair as he draws my lips to his in a passionate kiss that is far more ardent than anything I had imagined.
I’m unable to control the lust that rushes through me, a dam of emotions releasing without warning.
Moving his hands to my hips he lifts me so that I’m sitting on the railing, my knees on either side of him. His lips trace over my jaw, then down my neck to my collarbone, setting me on fire. Moaning with tortuous pleasure as he runs his tongue along my skin, I wrap my legs around his waist, pulling him into me.
Dizzy with desire I close my eyes, giving myself completely to the overwhelming sensations consuming me. I feel him raise me from my perch as he carries me toward the cabin door, blissfully unaware we are being watched.
This post is in response to the daily writing prompt Amorous and is part of something longer I am working on.
This post is a part of the story about the hero and comes before How Long Will he Stay to Protect Me from Harm?.