How Can I Convince My Ex I Made a Horrible Mistake?

“No. Absolutely not. I can’t!”

I say this more vehemently than I’d planned, but just the idea spreads terror through me. Tears spring to my eyes and I struggle not to break down sobbing. I want to put on a brave facade but it’s just not possible. I don’t care if he thinks I’m just a weak useless girl.

I can’t face my ex. I can’t. I won’t. There’s no way.

He watches silently as I try to get my emotions under control. I can see he’s uncomfortable with my hysterical outburst but my anxiety over his suggestion can’t be contained. I guess he probably hasn’t had a lot of experience with distraught women.

I breathe raggedly as I fight against the tide of fear that threatens to drown me.

He reaches out awkwardly, maybe to pat my shoulder or squeeze my hand, but I twist reflexively away from his touch. Spurned, he withdraws, then turns away. Without a word he leaves the cabin, shutting the door firmly behind him.

Panic fills me. He just got here. In less than 6 hours I’ve managed to destroy the only hope I had. Peering through the dusty blinds covering the window I see him standing on the front porch, his hands clenching the railing, his shoulders stooped. He hasn’t left. Maybe he won’t.

God, please don’t let him leave. I can’t do this alone.

As if in answer to my unspoken plea he glances back at me, holding my gaze. I’m unable to read his expression. Is it pain I see in his eyes? I don’t understand.

Without knowing why, my heart aches for him. I long to go and offer him comfort, but I’m afraid. I don’t want him to reject my kindness, as I rebuffed his. But more than that, I can’t allow myself to be hurt again. If I feel sympathy, admit that he is a human with feelings who has probably suffered more than I could ever comprehend, that will lead to compassion. Empathy might lead to friendship, and possibly more. I don’t need a friend. I need protection. I need a plan.

But his plan? He wants me to see my ex again. He wants me to pretend I still want to be with him. How could I ever pull that off? I’m at once repulsed and terrified. How would I ever be able to convince him I’m not?

Closing my eyes I try to find courage within me. He is an expert. If this is going to end I need to follow his advice. I can’t live like this forever.

Looking back out the window I see that he has turned away again, although he is thankfully still there. Yanking the door open I rush outside and stand next to him, our shoulders almost touching.

“I’ll do it.” I say. “I don’t know how, but I will.”

This post is in response to the daily writing prompt Vehemently and is part of something longer I am working on.

Photo by Daria Nepriakhina on Unsplash

19 thoughts on “How Can I Convince My Ex I Made a Horrible Mistake?”

      1. I do love you Walt! I have a good friend unfollow my blog because this new story isn’t her taste. I don’t fault her…but that does make the fact that you continue to read it all the more meaningful. Some day I’ll write a post especially for you! πŸ˜‰β€οΈ

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I’ve ducked in and out of this, but just wanted to say that the way you write is amazing. The emotions feel so real, I can imagine myself absolutely sobbing at your writing, I would get so invested in the characters.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow thanks so much for the feedback! This is honestly my first dip into creative writing so it’s hard for me to gauge how I’m doing. My hope is that eventually this will pull together into a novel. 🀞

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ve been struggling to keep in touch with WordPress over the past few weeks, but I remember reading one of your earlier pieces and thinking it was real life not fiction. Keep writing, you have a real talent for it xx

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you! I am honestly enjoying writing more than I even expected. I’ve had trouble keeping up with all the blogs I want to follow/read…. sometimes it’s a choice between reading or writing and writing always wins so I do appreciate it when people take the time to read what I’ve written! 😊

        Liked by 1 person

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