Have I Just Ruined the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me?

I close my eyes and once again I can clearly see the crestfallen look on your face. The fact that I was the cause breaks my heart. Part of me wishes I could take it all back, unsay the words that have brought you so much sadness. But even if it weren’t too late, it had to be said.

I open my eyes and watch you walking away from me, your head down. I can’t tell if you’re as upset as I am or if you’re just lost in thought, reflecting on what I asked you to consider.

As I watch you move slowly toward the lake I am suddenly filled with doubt. Is it possible I just destroyed the best thing that ever happened to me? Thinking about it, I had hoped you would argue with me, maybe yell. I never expected you to just walk away. My stomach is clenched so tightly I feel like I might throw up. It takes every ounce of strength I have not to run after you and beg your forgiveness.

I can do nothing but stare at your retreating form. The bright sun hurting my eyes feels like just punishment. I can’t tell if the tears forming are from the dread that has filled me or a natural reaction to squinting against the setting sun, but they fall unbidden down my face. I don’t know, don’t care if anyone is watching. I am completely oblivious to anyone but you.

You stoop down as you reach the sandy shore of the lake, grabbing a handful of small stones someone had collected. One by one you hurl them into the water. I imagine I hear the soft plunk as they break the surface, but I know I’m too far away to actually hear.

What are you thinking?

Oh God, I can barely stand this. My legs start to tremble as again I wonder, worry about what I’ve done. Suddenly unable to stand I drop to my knees and bury my face in my hands. I am overcome with wracking sobs, finally releasing all my fear.

I don’t know how much time passes when I feel a hand on my arm, your hand. I slowly lift my tear streaked face and meet your gaze, only inches from me. I am speechless as we stare into each other’s eyes. With no warning your hand reaches up under my hair to cup the back of my neck as you pull me toward you. Your lips crush against mine with a passion that’s so intense I can’t breathe.

Suddenly my chest fills. Is it hope I’m feeling? Is it possible this will be okay? Or is this one last kiss, one to say goodbye?

Without breaking the connection you stand, using your other hand to guide me up. All thought is lost as you wrap me in your embrace and I melt into you. When you feel me relax you gently pull back, just enough so you can speak.

“I don’t give a fuck how hard this will be,” you tell me as you bear down on me again.

This post is in response to the daily writing prompt Crestfallen

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