It’s Not Narcissism; It’s Self-Love!

Self-love is a concept I never contemplated until after my divorce. It didn’t occur to me that caring for or about myself was important in any way. I spent my entire life up to that point caring for other people, hoping that by doing so I would earn their love. I truly believed this was the way to feel loved.

All my life I felt inferior. I felt less than others. I felt unloved.

I’m fat.

I’m ugly.

I’m not “cool.”

I’m weird.

I’m shy.

I’m not good enough.

I’m unimportant.

Other people matter more.

I grew up with these labels and believed it was wrong to put my desires ahead of other’s, that it was selfish to want what I didn’t already have. When I had money, which wasn’t often, I would use it to buy ice cream for my “friends” or presents for my sister. I wanted them to have everything they wanted, hoping that by giving to them they would love me in return.

When I started reading about happiness and what it takes to truly feel happy the concept of self-love came up again and again. At first it made me uncomfortable. It went against everything I had done my entire life. Take time for me? Treat myself with compassion?

I didn’t even know how to begin.

The past six years have been turbulent, full of ups and downs, highs and lows. They have been years of tremendous personal growth and the idea of self-love is no longer a new one. I am learning to balance my needs with those of others. I have learned to take time for myself without feeling guilty.

And yet I listened to a guided meditation the other day that made me realize perhaps I haven’t come as far as I need to. The meditation is called “I love you; I’m listening.” During the mediation you’re instructed to repeat these words aloud to yourself. The first time I did it, it brought tears to my eyes. It was in that moment that I realized that even as far as I’ve come, I’ve never stopped to actually feel and acknowledge self-love.

Have you ever said the words, “I love you” to the one person who needs to hear them the most?

This post is in response to the daily writing prompt Narcissim

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26 thoughts on “It’s Not Narcissism; It’s Self-Love!”

  1. As I was growing up kids hang out with kids, adults hang out with adults, the two do not mix, kids eat first, kids go elsewhere to sit while eating, adults take over the table so to talk about whatever adults talk about. As a kid, sometime when I might be the only kid around I’d hang with the adult men, many times I was told that I did not know what I was talking about, that I should be elsewhere. This was the way back when. This does stay with a person as they grow up, I felt less of my self-esteem and worthiness over the years ahead. One day I asked myself for my own opinion and my life changed at that time. I do my way, if you (others) are a part of it then that is ok, if no then that too is ok.

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  2. Oh, self love is the best medicine for this world. If everyone would love themselves more, evil doing would be at a minimum. Majority of the bad in the world has to do with insecurities. So, go ahead and love EVERYTHING about you! You are amazing.πŸ’•

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  3. This is a wonderful post, and so true! We often give some much love to others, but we forget to give love to ourselves in the process. Self-love MATTERS. It impacts every aspect of our lives! Thank you for sharing you experience, Xx!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. THIS POST! Absolutely nailed it. I feel like one minute we’re told we should love and be kind to ourselves, and the next you hear others putting people down for ‘loving themselves too much’ or being selfish/stuck up. I’d way rather someone loved themselves and felt happy and confident, than hated themselves and felt down. We should all be encouraging people to love themselves and each other a whole lot more! Beautiful post, followed πŸ™‚

    Georgia //

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I struggle with this also. I have learned, however, that I can’t change anyone. Not ONE person. But I can change myself. And I can only do that by loving myself. And so, in treating myself with compassion, I am treating God with compassion (who lives in me) and… this means I am helping others by being a model to others. It sounds so high handed, but I don’t mean it like that. I simply mean that when I love myself, it is the highest form of loving others because my serenity shows them: You are worth it, too. (I fail, by the way, a lot. I’m a Co-Dependent in Transition!)


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