I Have the Courage to Face Their Retaliation

My vision is flawed, my perception is skewed. The past week I’ve let fear creep back in. This fear clouds my view and causes me to question my judgement.

I worry that something is going to happen with my ex and his wife. I am afraid that they are going to retaliate. This is how they operate.

When I was going through my divorce my ex found out I used $50 to open a bank account in just my name, so he took over $10,000 from our savings, money meant to pay taxes and insurance on the two houses we owned at the time.

When I do something they don’t like I expect them to respond with something dramatic. They are not ones to tolerate my noncompliance with their desires.

This past weekend my daughters were sick. On Monday my youngest stayed home from school. Their stepmother wanted me to keep the kids at my house so her toddler wouldn’t be exposed and she was furious when I told her that she already had been, since they were just at her house.

And so she retaliated.

Apparently my book has caused quite a stir at their house. I have heard that they are angry by the things I’ve said in it. When I was writing it I didn’t think I said much about my ex, and based on word count any reference to him is a tiny fraction of what I had to say. I barely touched on the things that happened. There is so much I left out. The only reason I included any of it was so that people would realize I’ve struggled, that I had serious problems.

And now I’m worried they’re going to retaliate. They are putting my oldest daughter in the middle and I’m afraid what this will do to her. I’m concerned they might be planning something bigger.

Because of this fear, I’m questioning whether writing the book was the right thing to do. It felt so right in the moment but fear is causing me to doubt.

This week I talked to someone who has started reading my book. A stranger who heard about it through the Meetup group I belong to. I saw him on Tuesday. He had read through the first section, the introduction, and wanted to explain to me how motivating he found it. He told me it had him seriously considering making a drastic change in his life. And he hadn’t even gotten to the good part yet.

This is why I wrote the book. I did it to give people hope. I did it to change the way they are thinking so that they can change their lives the way I did.

I didn’t get here by letting fear get in the way. I didn’t achieve all I have accomplished by cowering in a corner. I have become brave. I am not fearless, but I am brave enough to face this challenge. I need to refocus on the present and not the future. I can neither predict nor prevent what might happen and so I will enjoy today.

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This post is in response to the daily writing prompt Skewed

34 thoughts on “I Have the Courage to Face Their Retaliation”

  1. Umm, No longer married (1978), Heck I do not even remember asking her to marry, my dad passed and I came home from Germany, we went riding around and one thing led to the other(1970)(Oct 31). She is a great person and I could not replace her so I remained single and she remarried. We grew apart with me overseas most of the time. Anyway, I think I will look into your book and learn how to read. It sounds like a great read.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for sharing your story! That is a long time to remain single…But as long as it was a choice you are happy with that’s all that matters. If you decide to read the book let me know what you think. 😊

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Well, yes it is but I was doing my 12 years in the Navy at the time, retired 8/1988, worked with government contractors until I began to drive eventually owning my own company, trucks, getting older also. I am ok with it, I’ve done well for myself. Lonely? Yes. I’ve had health issues, so has she, I survived cancer, We had two sons, one did 27 years in the Navy, the other is close to both of us here where I live. Thanks.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Writing your book was perfect. If it was to be different, it would be different.
    When you know you cannot be hurt, and that your daughters cannot be hurt, you will teach the lesson that is the antidote to drama and victimhood.
    I appreciate your strength. You have every right to be who you are in this moment now!!! ❀

    Liked by 2 people

      1. πŸ˜€ I understand. Your daughter will see the truth in you, at least! My ex said it sounded weird when I said, “I’m proud of you.” I hope it doesn’t sound weird now. I’m proud of you.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Thank you for sharing your story, writing your book was no mistake because people will read and find healing and hope. Just keep being the best version of you, all other stuff will fall into place… you’ll see.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I know you are right. It’s easy to let fear cause me to doubt… Especially when it involves my kids…But I know I wrote this for a reason. While I was writing I never felt more certain of anything. I just need to reconnect with that! Thanks for your support! ❀️

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Writing your book wasn’t a mistake. You are not the one hurting the kids, just their insecurities. Focus on your babies and being the great mom for them that you have been. You have the courage and strength to handle whatever comes. Chin up kiddo.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. You absolutely should have and deserved to have written your book. It is going to help so many people out. Regardless of how the Ex and his Wife feel, your daughters are going to learn the truth eventually. And while they are bashing away and you take the high road because well you are a better role model that is what your girls are going to remember. That you did not retaliate. That you did not yell and scream. But you responded with self-worth and dignity and that is what is going to stick with them.

    Liked by 1 person

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