Good versus evil; right versus wrong; white versus black. When our perspective shifts it’s amazing how rapidly our judgement changes as well.
I am told, “Do not worry about what others think.” And I believe this. My opinion of me is of the utmost importance. I press through my fear to achieve things I once thought impossible. I published a book that was deeply personal, allowing myself to be vulnerable. Take me as I am. What you think means nothing. But what if this is used against my kids? How can I say that their opinion doesn’t matter? How can I be true to myself, and still do what’s best for them?
I am told, “Their drama isn’t your drama.” And I believe this. I have the power to choose how I react, or I can choose not to react. I don’t have to engage in drama. I can rise above it, walk away from it. My ex is angry he has to pay child support. He is required by law to support his children and so there is no need for me to defend the small amount he contributes each month. But what if the drama is hurting my girls? How can I ignore it then?
I tell my kids, “It’s okay to let others be wrong.” And I believe this. If someone believes wholeheartedly that they are correct and nothing you can say will change their minds, it’s okay to just let them be wrong. My ex believes I cheated on him at the end of our marriage. What he believes to be true is not what happened. But what if what they believe changes how my kids feel about me? How can I not argue this point?
I am told, “Stand up for what you believe in; fight for what is right.” And I believe this. I have a strong sense of values and I will fight for what is right, especially when the girls are involved. The girls’ stepmother only wants them at her house when they are healthy (and possibly not even then). It is their dad’s responsibility to take care of his kids even when they’re sick. But what if what is right isn’t what is best? How can I not do what is best for my children, even if it’s not what is right?
I tell my kids, “Follow through when you commit to something.” And I believe this. Once you tell someone you will do something you need to do it, even if it’s difficult to follow through. The girls’ stepmother has asked that they babysit their sister one Saturday a month and I have agreed because the girls want to do it. She has promised to pay them both for doing this, which I believe is fair. But what if the other person doesn’t abide by their commitment? Am I still obligated to fulfill my part?
I believe I’m at a crossroads. There are a lot of things happening right now and it’s possible that the situation could escalate if not handled carefully. I need to figure out which way to turn. It’s not yet clear which direction is the best. What can I do that will be in our best interest? How can I ensure I am standing up for my kids and yet prevent the retaliation I fear is coming if I do?
This post is in response to the daily writing prompt Rapid