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Breathing With the Tide is not a Temporary Fix

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The tide rolls in; the tide rolls out. It is smooth and rhythmic, like my breath. It calms me. It soothes me. It brings my focus to the present moment and allows my cares to be washed away, at least most of them.

Last night I went for a walk on the beach. This is something I used to do several nights a week, but recently haven’t had time for, or haven’t made time for. I’ve been feeling a bit off recently and needed time to think about some things (this is the introvert in me).

On the beach the sound of the waves and the cry of the seagulls drowns out my less helpful, self-critical thoughts. The feel of the sand beneath my feet helps to keep my attention on the present. The breeze blows my hair and my worries behind me. For a while I am captured by nature; as the sun drops closer to the horizon I am a part of something bigger than myself.

But sometimes life intrudes on these moments….a text from my tenant explaining why the rent is late, another from my daughter asking what happens if she’s too sick to go to school. My peace shattered, my attention turns to the people I pass as I walk. Happy couples, hand in hand; families building a sandcastle and taking selfies. Why was their happiness suddenly making me feel like something is missing in my life?

I do not spend time regretting the past. It can’t be changed. I don’t compare myself to others. Even people who look happy in a given moment have problems; and besides, I’m not unhappy.

These past few months I’ve accomplished more than I ever dreamed possible. I’m getting into shape; I published a book; I’m beginning new projects. I am surrounded by friends who are infinitely supportive, and sincerely happy for everything I am achieving. My kids are amazing and truly bring me joy. My finances are solid, money is building in my savings. I’m making plans for my future.

I guess the way I’ve been feeling can best be described as lonely, and possibly nostalgic. I’m not going to pretend I don’t feel this way, but I’m not going to wallow in it either. Today I’m going to focus on gratitude. I’m going to spend some time today thinking about how much I really have in my life, because honestly my life is amazing. I don’t regret what has brought me here and I’m going to look forward instead of behind me.

And it’s simply not possible to feel both grateful and lonely at the same time.

I’m going to start right now. I am grateful for you. I am grateful you took the time to read this. I’m grateful for everyone who follows my blog and who takes the time to comment. I’m especially grateful for those people who I am now connected with outside of this blog who are becoming good friends. You all add so much to my life.

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This post is in response to the daily writing prompt Tide

37 thoughts on “Breathing With the Tide is not a Temporary Fix”

  5. Pingback: The ‘May- tide’ be with you! – Nicolas Heartmann

  8. I can relate to how you feel – sometimes I wonder if I changed my situation would I be happy? Happier, maybe? Different, I guess. You have some pretty awesome achievements. And it is all in the title – you are thriving, not simply surviving. Great job!

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    1. Thanks so much! I am making great progress. Sometimes I still have down days but honestly I’m very happy. Are there some things I would change? Sure…But I will change those things eventually. 😊

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  9. you write well and straight from the heart but you do remind me of my sister of the same name … she feels she needs a man to feel complete … you are achieving, you have great friends and maybe all this would be impeded if you find one too soon 🙂

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    1. I used to feel that a relationship would make me complete. These days it’s more of a longing to share it with someone. I have many close friends and that’s usually enough. It’s only been recently I’ve been again feeling like I’m missing something. 😁

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  11. We all appreciate you. I commend you for taking time for yourself and being quiet, still to reflect on life around you and being grateful. A heart of gratitude helps determine our altitude. Press on! You’re doing it and the pieces will come together.

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  12. Wow I have been feeling lonely as well. I honestly just keep moving to not feel it. I condone you for expressing this. Thank you for letting me know I am not the only one.

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    1. Thank you for sharing! I couldn’t actually identify the feeling until I started writing this. I felt off but couldn’t put words to it… Until I did. Talking to a friend this morning helped too. 😊

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      1. I know you are not religious, but God has someone special waiting for you that will bring your life to new levels. Its already written for you. Just keep doing all the good you do and I promise you will walk right into your fate.

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      2. You’re right…I’m not religious but I’m not a disbeliever either. It’s more that faith is hard for me. But what’s funny is when you say what you’ve said it feels 100% true. ❤️ I do believe someone will come into my life when it’s time.

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      3. I love your truth….not to many people can say that about faith. But timing is definitely everything. Your heart is beautiful, someone worthy enough is on their way.

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  13. What a great vision Dee! The serenity of the beach is much the same for me when I have the chance to get to the water.( its a 5 hour drive to the Texas coast for me). It is a refreshing feeling when we look at the gratitude factor. Just as you are grateful for those that read your words…we are grateful for you as well!! Make more time for those beach walks…

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    1. Oh I appreciate this so much! Thank you! The beach is definitely special. Anything in nature calms me. I am working on making more time for being outside. It just refreshes me like nothing else!

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  14. Pingback: *Press it* Breathing With the Tide is not a Temporary Fix #31 | Its good to be crazy Sometimes

  15. If you want a significant other to feel complete that is probably the reason past relationships didnt work. At least that’s true for me. I think we have to be okay with who are or else its yoo easy to try to change to be what someone else wants us to be – I’ve learned the hard way. We have be able live our life the way we want, make no excuses or justifications, and still be able to enjoy the company of someone else.

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    1. This is so true! Right after my divorce I felt I needed someone else to feel complete. Now my life is very full so adding someone to it would actually be a challenge…But sometimes it would be nice to have that someone. 😊

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