I am Sick and Tired of Living in a Round Hole

Square peg. Round hole. I use a mallet to make it fit, pounding it until the corners are wedged into the space. The peg has adapted to the opening. Or has it?

I have been working in IT for the past 7 years. Before that I worked for another company for 10 years in different positions requiring me to troubleshoot issues, define processes and otherwise solve problems. I’m good at it, but I’m just a square peg. If I can do something well does that mean I’m happy or satisfied doing it? Have I adapted?

I am unhappy at my job and I’m finding it hard to hide it anymore. My coworkers advise me to stop trying so hard, stop caring about things I cannot change. Do what I’m asked to do, and no more. But this isn’t who I want to be.

Recently I’ve been putting serious thought into what I want to do for the rest of my life. The changes in my thinking these past couple of years have opened my eyes to the possibilities and so I’m exploring options I never would have considered before. I want to contribute, make things better in a way that only I can. I want to collaborate with others, not compete. I want to use my creativity and imagination to build something not yet conceived by others.

In college I got degrees in Spanish and Linguistics. I was going to be a teacher, but honestly there were so many reasons I didn’t choose this path. I was afraid. I couldn’t imagine being in front of a class, the center of attention. An extra year of college would add to my growing student loans, a bill I was carrying without help from my parents. The government has crippled teachers’ ability to truly educate their students, insisting each follow a standard, requiring each to conform to the lowest common denominator. Leaving no child behind has resulted in all children being left behind.

So education is more of a rectangular hole, instead of the square one I am seeking.

Other options I’d consider would require additional formal education and as much as I truly enjoy learning, the idea of pursuing a master’s degree sounds dreadful, and that is not in line with how I want to spend the next couple of years. I may decide later to follow that path, but now is not the time.

And this is why I took another stab at writing. I don’t know that it will ever replace the income I receive through my day job, but I also don’t know that it won’t. There are many paths available and I’m exploring several. The book I’m publishing just a week from today is one path. Many years ago I taught writing to children through the recreation center where I lived in NH. That is another path I’m considering. Doors are opening, revealing more possibilities, more holes in which my peg may fit.

Truthfully, there are ways I could quit my job today and live the next couple of years without a full time job. It’s an option I’m considering but it’s hard to give up the security from the job I have. There is also a certain amount of freedom afforded when you have steady income, and I am not yet ready to let that go. But the thought is there, in the back of my mind.

So tell me, have you found your square hole? Have you decided to become a round peg instead? I’d love to hear your stories!

This post is in response to the daily writing prompt Mallet

28 thoughts on “I am Sick and Tired of Living in a Round Hole”

  1. I am still working on it. I know I want to write and write I will but at the moment (unless lady luck and the leprechaun at the end of the rainbow stops picking his nose and points me towards his pot of gold) I need to remain at my round holed job. I will get there though, that I know.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It’s drudgery when you don’t like your job! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I hope you can find a path that leads to happiness and much success. There are endless possibilities. Maybe see a Career Counselor at your local college. That’s what I did. I was also a teacher, (Certified to teach K-8 and then Pre-School). After visiting the Office of Career Planning and Placement….ultimately became a Physician’s Assistant. From Teaching to the Medical Field. Go for it!!!!! You can do it!!!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

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    1. I actually had extensive career counseling and was told u should teach or become a therapist. I’m sure PA was probably on the list but u can’t imagine anything I’m less suited for than something involving blood (except maybe dental assistant because I can’t do teeth ๐Ÿ˜‚). I’m thinking of some less traditional paths but definitely along the lines of helping others and making the world better. Thanks so much for your support!!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. โค๏ธ I trust your opinion Walt! I agree the grass isn’t always greener which is why I’m not looking for the same job someplace else. The job is what doesn’t fit. But I suppose I’ll keep writing. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Interesting. I am yet to define my square hole. I did my engineering, worked in SAP, taught language while at home as a home maker. Now doing translation. I cant fit into a square as I like variety. Started with blogging when I registered myself for the ATOZ challenge. I will write until I have stories to share. Once I am done, not sure, if another square is waiting for me to fill it.. loved your post ๐Ÿ™‚

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  4. Iโ€™m currently divorcing, having been married to Alcoholism for 24 years. I am also currently a full-blown, born-again writer. And very fortunately, after acquiring college degrees in my late thirties, I have my dream job. Only thing missing is my soulmate, but I have no intention of seeking him out. He can come to me. Iโ€™d say I could do without, but Iโ€™m confident itโ€™s one more thing I am destined for.

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    1. I’m sorry you’re going through a divorce…That’s never easy even when it’s for the best. But it sounds like everything else is going great! I’m happy for you! Thanks for sharing your story!! I’m sure when the time is right your soulmate will find you! โค๏ธ

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks. Yes, it sucks. Morally, I feel like I will always wonder if Iโ€™m doing the right thing, even though itโ€™s always seemed like a no-brainer from everyone elseโ€™s point of view. Iโ€™m just going through the motions of moving on in blind, baby steps, like an out-of-body experience, a required one. Weโ€™ll see…

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      2. I had a similar feeling going through my divorce…I was doing what needed to be done but it didn’t feel like I was the one doing it all. You will get through it. Hopefully you are wrong and you won’t always doubt. I know I was completely uncertain while I was going through it but looking back there really was no other way. Best of luck. I have faith you will do what’s right

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  5. Congratulations on starting to think outside the box! I am so happy for you to even be entertaining the thought, let alone moving aggressively towards it!! Bravo!!! Keep pushing. You might enjoy the book โ€œDo What You Love, And The Money Will Followโ€.

    Have you posted this on your bathroom mirror yet? โ€œWhat have I done today, to make my dreams come true?โ€ Your book, yes!!! Whatโ€™s next? We are curious!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I will definitely look into that book. Thanks for the recommendation! I’m always reading. I definitely have plans for the future. I don’t have anything concrete next but I talked about some ideas yesterday in my post: https://gratefulsinglemoms.com/2018/04/23/i-will-take-an-enormous-chance-after-my-deadline/

      I definitely need to post that quote about making my dreams come true. It’s”easy” at the moment to be motivated and put in the work but eventually I will have competing priorities that I’ll need to juggle and will need to make sure I make progress every day! Thanks for the suggestion! โค๏ธ

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are so welcome! You can check out the reviews on that book on Amazon! I’m putting up my prior post on that quote as a reprise on the 26th. Perhaps you may want to reblog it? I love it. Cuts right to the quick! I will have to read the link you posted. I’m playing Hooky – well sort of – Ha! I’m online now aren’t I?? LOL!

        Liked by 1 person

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