A week ago today I was writing a post about the word prompt “churn”. Although at the time I was staying in a beautiful beach condo with nothing to do but write, there were some things that happened that upset me more than they should have. Because I didn’t sleep well these events caused me to start the negative self-talk I’ve worked so hard to reprogram.
Fortunately I was aware of what I was doing and so I didn’t lose the entire day to self-pity. I didn’t let the spiral of recrimination and fear take over. I saw what was happening, I knew why and I stopped it. Allowing myself to continue was not productive. It would not bring back the lost item; it would not get my book finished.
And because of this experience I have grown.
It is scary to pursue a lifelong dream. Don’t get me wrong, it’s wonderful, exciting, and completely amazing to be so close to reaching a goal I once thought impossible. But also absolutely terrifying. It’s so easy to let self-doubt crawl in, worry that I’m not prepared enough. And so I have made it impossible for me to back down. I have announced to the world (well, my world) that my book will be available, and so it will. I have invited friends and family over for a book launch on 4/28. There’s no backing down now. I’m 100% committed. Ready or not, this will be done.
I also told my daughter what I had lost. I accepted full responsibility and explained to her that I would replace it because what had happened was not her fault. And when I did this, she learned how it feels when the person truly responsible stands up and makes the wrong things right. In that moment, I honestly felt that the cost of the lost item was worth the lesson I was able to teach. I was grateful I could turn what had felt like a catastrophic event into something so positive. That would have been enough.
And yesterday I found what had been lost. I found it somewhere I’ve checked 100 times. I was certain it wasn’t there. And yet it has been found.
Everything really will be okay.