You Have Made Me Wildly Brave

Today’s word prompt brought back some frantic days while I was going through my divorce. Those days I was full of fear, cringing when my husband’s number showed up on my cell phone while I was working (why did I always answer?). In seeing this word I felt the panic that followed me in those days. I felt all over again the reasons I left an emergency bag of clothes under my desk at work, the reasons I made arrangements with a friend to stay with her if things got so bad I couldn’t go home. Although I wasn’t afraid he would hurt me physically the terror was almost the same.

But I’ve come so far I didn’t want that to be my story today.

Today I’m frantically working on a new project. I am frantically following a dream. I am frantically rushing toward a deadline I have set for myself, one that I will hold myself to.

I’m writing a book. This is something I have wanted to do since I was a child. As a young girl I actually wrote a mystery, bound by my own hand with construction paper as the cover. I don’t know where that story is now, but this has truly been a lifelong dream.

I first put up this blog in 2014, thinking this was a way to start working toward that goal. I wrote 6 or 7 posts, decided no one would want to read what I had to write and gave up. In one of my fits of self-improvement, and in an effort to find something positive to obsess over, I took a class from the local college on writing a book. And so I started writing again, only to quit. Why put in all this effort? Who is going to read what I have to say?

About a month ago I came back to this blog. I deleted the old posts…they were a reflection of someone I used to be, not the person I’ve become. I started putting my thoughts out to the world and have been welcomed into the WordPress community, for which I’m extremely grateful! I sincerely appreciate everyone who has taken the time to read my thoughts, I appreciate those of you who have graciously joined the conversation and I appreciate even more those who now call me “friend.”

The daily prompts have been motivating, encouraging me to write more often than I’d ever intended but also pulling me further into the experience of blogging. Some of the things I’ve been most proud of would not have been written if not for the word of the day.

As ideas started flowing I resurrected my dusty old goal. I started writing the book. In the beginning I had a plan for it, an outline I thought I was going to follow; but this project has taken on its own momentum and has moved in directions I wasn’t expecting. The book is not at all what I thought I would be writing about but it is what has come out of me. I guess that’s what they mean when people talk about “flow.” It’s almost beyond my control. This IS what I’m writing about. Maybe my other ideas will be used in a future project, but not now.

This is my new reality. I am leaving my frantic past where it belongs, simply a part of history, something to be learned from but no longer feared.

This post is in response to the daily writing prompt Frantic

35 thoughts on “You Have Made Me Wildly Brave”

    1. Thank you! I had actually reached out to you a while ago to see if you were interested in participating…. Maybe sharing a few of your drawings. Not sure if you got that message but if you’re interested email me (gratefulsinglemoms@yahoo.com)… Absolutely no pressure but your drawings are fantastic! ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I missed that! I would have definitely reached out. I would love to share some stuff 🙂 EEK more excitement! I will do so as soon as I get home from the hostage situation…erm I mean work ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  1. So excited for you! I just published my first book this year. If you ever need any help with something, please let me know. It’s a tedious task, but very rewarding in the end. Good luck with everything! 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much! The one I’m currently working on I’m going to self publish on Amazon. It’s something I feel I need to write so I’m putting it out there. I have another idea for one I’ll pitch to a publisher. Good luck in your search. Let me know if I can help (or if you have pointers! 😉)

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “I am leaving my frantic past where it belongs, simply a part of history, something to be learned from but no longer feared.” This is wonderful! I can completely relate as I went back and deleted original posts for the same reason. And that is wonderful news about the book! Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

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