When dealing with divorce, or the end of any relationship, it’s easy let sadness and self pity overwhelm us. As I’ve mentioned, I used a new relationship to help me avoid dealing with my divorce. As soon as that relationship ended I started looking for a new one. I was in a self destructive pattern that ultimately would lead me nowhere.
I came to this realization on my lunch break at work following a text conversation with the person I thought I was dating at the time. I had seen him a total of 8 hours in 3 weeks, amidst promises that his time would free up sooner rather than later. Here is how it went:
Me: “Can I ask you something?” (brilliant opening line – but at least makes sure that he is available to respond)
Me: “Are you still interested?”
Him: “I am but…”
Him: “I don’t think I can give you what you need.”
Me: “So, you’re interested but I’m too needy?”
And I never heard from him again. To my credit I deleted the conversation and never attempted to contact him again.
Devastated that I was still alone, I finally went looking for answers outside of a new relationship. I love to read so I searched for books on dating, realizing the problem was me and knowing that the answer had to be out there somewhere.
I found many books and will post about the best (and worst) ones. There was one book that really helped me put this relationship into perspective: It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Break-Up Buddy.
Co-authored by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt, it truly let me see the folly in trying to have a relationship with this man. This is a book I return to after every big breakup and it has helped me focus on improving myself instead of wishing for something that just wasn’t there.
Try it out for yourself and post a comment letting us know what you thought!