Children are often asked what they want to be when they grow up. A firefighter? A teacher? A doctor? An astronaut? Do we ask children WHO they want to be when they grow up? Most of us grow up believing that we are defined by our career, our titles, even our marital status. It wasn’t until my divorce that I ever thought about the person I wanted to be.
Regardless of the reason for a divorce or the level of difficulty in coming to a final agreement, divorce is life-changing. The process of our divorce was probably about as straightforward as you could get…he kept what was his, I kept what was mine; the kids are with him when he’s here and with me when he’s not (he travels at least 50% of the time). Ours was not an amicable divorce, but we were finished in 3 months. That could be a record given that children and real estate were involved. Easy, right?
Of course the final agreement is only the BEGINNING of a divorce (something I wasn’t conscious of at the time). But that is a story for another time.
Suddenly I was a single mother. This was uncharted territory for me.
If you choose, good things come from life-changing events. I use the phrase “if you choose” on purpose…because what you get out of these events is, for all intents and purposes, your choice. You may not believe that, and I’ll post about it another time, but it’s something I believe with everything I am. Your life is the result of your choices. So, when my divorce was final I made a choice. I asked myself…Who do I want to be?
Here’s the problem, I had NO idea how to answer that question. I didn’t even know where to start. But not knowing where to start did not stop me. I started anyway. And I’m proud to say that today I really like who I am. I am by no means done, however, and this is why I decided to share my experience.
I don’t have all the answers, I’m not an expert in psychology and my degrees are in Spanish and Linguistics…so in reality I am completely unqualified to give advice. But what I can do is share what has worked for me and hope that it helps someone along the way.